A colleague's birthday rolls around, someone is leaving, or wedding bells are ringing—and suddenly an envelope or online link appears on your desk or in the team chat. Whether you adore them, tolerate them, or barely know their name, the question is the same: how much do you put in?

For those stuck organising the collection, there is a second headache: how do you follow up without sounding like a debt collector—or laying bare tensions nobody wants aired?

What people actually put in the pot

Analysis of more than 5,000 contributions by website GiftRound found the average worker gave £11.65 to a collection in the first three months of the year.

Barker, who has a decade of experience organising and contributing to collections at a large multinational where he works in research and production, says it is normally the same half a dozen people who contribute generously, irrespective of the person or the occasion.

Today, Felicity—now mid-career—usually gives between £5 and £10, but goes up to £20 for a close work friend or long-time colleague. That is a far cry from her first job as a teenager.

Working at a car garage aged 17, she was suddenly thrust an envelope to give money for a mechanic who was retiring. The team was small and tight-knit, so everyone was expected to contribute.

"Not only did I not really know anyone at that stage, but I also had no money to give - I was still living at home and being paid hardly anything.

"As it was after lunch, I'd used my notes. In a panic I threw in all the spare change I had left, basically a load of coppers."

She says: "I thought I'd got away with it until the person collecting shouted 'who on earth put in all this change'. Everyone laughed and I couldn't ever admit it was me."

When liking someone matters as much as the occasion

The politics of the office whip-round are so sensitive that everyone the BBC spoke to asked us not to use their real name.

For those on a tight budget, the rule is simple: only give to colleagues you've worked with directly.

Lucy, a senior therapist in healthcare, says: "If we haven't worked together, my purse is staying shut."

There's a blunter unspoken truth beneath the surface. "It also depends on if I like you," she admits.

"One colleague's whole demeanor annoyed me, so when she moved roles, I wanted to celebrate with my own drink - not give her money."

Former music journalist Layla is similar, only contributing if she "really likes" the person.

Yet she often avoids office collections on principle, not personality, disliking how impersonal they can feel.

"I'd rather buy my own gift for someone I care about. I hate having to be forced to contribute to a joint collection out of some rubbish sense of obligation," she says.

Rank, pay and who picks up the tab

Barker says it tends to be rank-and-file workers who contribute most often.

"Surprisingly – to me – they're not some of the best paid people in the department," he explains. "Often those in senior positions don't give".

Those on big wages not paying their way may seem stingy. But the reality from the top can look very different, as former senior civil service veteran Darren explains.

In a leadership position managing over 200 people, many of them contractors, office collections were common as staff churn was frequent.

Darren found the implicit expectation to give as director became overwhelming.

"Eventually I found I just couldn't keep up and would be spending hundreds, often on people I didn't know at all," he says.

As a middle ground, he decided to sign cards and only give money if he'd had direct contact. This stopped him feeling disingenuous and giving resentfully.

When collections go digital—and public

But the card-not-cash compromise has become harder as collections move online, with amounts often shown alongside the names of individuals by default.

Of course, these days, alongside emails, there's always the ever-present work WhatsApp group.

Healthcare worker Jeffrey says he's still reeling from seeing staff donations toward the family of a deceased patient being openly listed in the agency chat, individual donation amounts included.

To chase or not to chase

Should you chase contributions—and note who's given and who has not?

"I send one email to those who haven't paid, making clear that those who have contributed are not included in the email. You'd be surprised how quickly people reply," she says.

She then gets a more junior colleague to send another, final, chaser on her behalf.

"And yes, I keep a list on paper, too. I don't forget," she adds.

"I don't like to nag," he says. Instead he prefers a single reminder to all that preserves team unity.

Expert guidance for organisers and contributors

Thomas Roubert, professor of organisational psychology and leadership at Oxford University, says:

• Prioritise direct colleagues and close relationships: It's generally socially acceptable to limit giving toward wider team members
• Do not chase people individually: And do not chase them collectively more than once. Some may be financially struggling
• Include a card as an alternative: It costs the contributor nothing and feels like a souvenir for the recipient
• The gift should be symbolic: Choose a gift for its individual significance rather than monetary value.